— enlightening and transforming,
— for living better,
— and relating more effectively,
— using psychology of change,
— and the art of possibility,
— to enhance existing abilities,
— and to introduce alternative,
— proactive ways,
— to encourage choosing change.
Each of us live in a world surrounded by others and if not others then things... it is true you are not an island and as such, everything you do has an impact on others. Everything others do has an impact on you.Advanced techniques you'll learn to tackle the issues of self and relatedness, which helps you:
Distinguish between what's in your mind and what is real
Manage anxieties related to your thoughts
Allow you to truly connect through being authentic
Discover how wonderful you are and how wonderful others think you are
Live your life thoroughly.
Beginning and maintaining enduring relationships. Understanding your self and being aware of your feelings and thoughts and using mindfulness to allow better relating processes to occur helps with any relationship.
Intimate relationships especially need resilience and forgiveness in order to endure. Seeing the good side of things rather than the bad things in your relationship allows you to have a greater understanding and appreciation of your your partner's finer points (good and bad).
When you are better able to control your impulses and understanding how your emotions are at play you will begin to realise that when things are difficult it is often better to walk away and think about things before launching into attach mode.
Successful relationships have the components of separateness and togetherness. The push and pull of relationships is just that. Being in touch with others allows us to have connection, feel support, share ideas and experiences, be loving and kind, thoughtful and considerate. Yet there is the ongoing desire to have our own space and ideas and time alone.
This latter need is often ignored and sometimes actively discouraged in some relationships. Those are the relationships that end up with bitterness, antagonism and regret as major components of the daily connection.
Where a person is not able to be assertive and is often giving into their partner's wishes, resentments may build up over the years and end up in explosions. The couple that seemed to be perfectly happy suddenly have arguments that are neveer resolved or understood, split and it ends up in divorce. Frequently, interventions that help identify exactly what is going on for the individuals can enlighten what is occuring for the couple.
Counselling gay and lesbian people of all ages requires tact, deep understanding and a clear picture of politico-societal influences affecting this minority group.
This does not mean the counsellor has to be homosexual, but sometimes it helps. The degree of self-loathing and internalised homophobia homosexually oriented people often deal with on a daily basis sometimes means anyone helping them must be fully aware of this.
The way we use language, the words we use and the meanings we give to those words all influence how we are in the world. When a gay or lesbian person is asked if they are getting married the internal response is often one of despair.
This feeling is played out in so many ways — difficulty forming and keeping relationships, lack of career goal, work relationships poor, cutting off from family and friends, moving houses and cities because of this cut-off.
Being yourself ... being honest, being caring and above all being fair. Fair to your self — being authentic to your beliefs while maintaining an attitude of care for others. Clearly stating your case without being selfish, vindictive or sarcastic.
When you are being assertive you are showing that you believe in yourself while maintaining respect and concern for other people's beliefs.
Being assertive also means being clear about what you believe and being able to communicate your ideas and feeling clearly to others. The key to being assertive is being yourself as much as you can.
Seeing clearly where you are going —what you mean, how you see your future can make it easier to be assertive when talking to other people. Being able to tell it like it is without hurting or offending other people is the skill of assertiveness. Being able to let other people tell you like it is is allowing other people to be assertive without you being defensive.
Being open to other people — their ideas help in your own assertiveness.
Being positive and pro-active without being aggressive means you are being assertive.
If you can listen to the other person — let them know you understand their issues (even if you do not agree) you are being assertive. Invite the other person to tell their story and comment on your understanding of the situation.
Feedback to other people — what you think they mean, what you heard, and how that helps you understand where they are coming from. Nodding and using a neutral or affirming tone of voice communicates that you acknowledge the other persons existence and right to be heard.
Encourage a balanced situation — when you are talking to people — make the territory neutral. Sit or stand beside them or sit directly opposite but mirror their position.
Assertiveness counselling allows you to be yourself, allows you to ask for what you want, allows you to be heard.
Counselling assertiveness training is one of the most successful ways you can get out of life the things you really want.
If you think your depressed feelings are badly influencing you life, there are things you can do to alleviate those feelings...If you think that you may be suffering from depression (or depressed feelings) you are advised to talk to someone. Doctors can prescribe medication to alleviate the symptoms where necessary.
Call 02 9362 3052
Doctors may also refer you to psychiatrist, psychologist or counsellor for ongoing treatment.
Signs that may indicate you are feeling depressed...
You are unhappy in your work or relationships, and that this unhappiness stays with you over a period of time, and cannot be explained by illness, situation or attitude.
Loss of interest in things you usually do.
Doubts about your decisions, more than usually experienced.
Scary feelings where you can't find good reasons.
Feelings of not being in control (at work or in your relationships or where things are changing around you).
Difficulty finding pleasure with activities you usually found funDifficulty settling down to things (like study or listening to music or at a picnic etc).
Feelings of suicide or thoughts about death (yours or those around you).... this is usually at the bottom end of the range of feelings around depression, but is by no means uncommon.
Some people have described feeling depressed as living life in black and white. This is usually described after they have found some relief from their condition. Depression can be elusive.
WHAT YOU CAN DO...
Helping Depression: In most people, feelings of sadness, unhappiness, and disappointment are as common as fun, enjoyment, satisfaction and happiness. All of us experience a range and variety of emotions and feelings every day.
If feelings of anxiety and unhappiness show up occasionally most of us cope. But there is a marked difference between that so called "coping experience" and the crippling effects of long term, often undiagnosed, suffering of depression.
CBT certainly, usually tackles the surface or symptoms of depression (and other psychological uncomfortableness)... can it fully heal a person from the root causes of these issues?
CBT for depression consists of the therapist helping the client to understand the normal range of expected emotional responses and feelings all of us experience... and is often and usually remarkable effective in relieving the symptoms.
It has been suggested that one in five people in Australia have, or will suffer from depressed feelings to some degree. Many doctors say that over half their patients suffer from such feelings to some significant degree.
When we find ourselves attracted to somebody often we think that this person is going to fulfil all our dreams... be the perfect partner. This is a myth. No one person will give you everything. To put all your eggs in one basket will inevitably lead to disappointment. Our greatest expectations can be the greatest source of our disappointments. By concentrating all our efforts and reliance on one person the pressure is really on... on for that other person. If they don't produce the goods, they will have failed you. You will add more pressure and eventually... things will blow-up.
.Self-esteem and breaking up...
How much of your self-esteem is tied up with your partner liking or loving you? Or the perception you think your friends have of you breaking up? Or how much of your self-esteem and self-confidence is invested in being in "a" relationship... no matter what kind as long as you have partner?
If you are only a whole person when you are with your "other half" then you are setting yourself up for failure. Because, there will always come a time when your "better half" is not around. I cringe when ever I hear the popular culture (usually pop songs) talk of "making me whole", "completing me", "you are my every dream"... and I am a romantic sentimental fool... but I always want to be a whole person without being propped up by anyone.
To be in union
This does not mean I want to be completely independent and alone in the world, because I believe humans (of all colours, shapes, descriptions, denominations, persuasions, sex, age and political belief system) desire to be in union with other people... and sometimes that is one person, one very special person.
when we will do anything
Finding one person to share our lives with seems to be a common goal for all of humankind. The dilemma arises when our need for this out-shines and over-rides common sense values we hold dear to our own hearts. When we will do anything to have "a" relationship then sometimes we fall into the trap of making the person we are standing near a substitute for our dreams and romantic wishes... even if that other person is clearly not the one to help you fulfil your goals.
Differentiation of Self
An issue sometimes raised in Individual Counselling which may be a help when you are breaking up.
choosingchange offers people the opportunity to speak freely and confidentially...
Some clients have shared their experiences with me and have given permission to publish their words. Here are a few testimonials. Names have been withheld where requested.
— A place we didn't want to be but very grateful we ended up at.
"When we went to counselling there seems very little chance for our relationship.
Through the work Philip introduced to us we were able to see some of the reasons we had lost our way.
Some of the concepts we were introduced to, especially the Differentiation of Self, made all the difference..."
— I came to Phil in utter despair.
"My self-esteem was at rock-bottom, I'd lost control over my negative emotions, and I was inflicting emotional chaos on my loved ones.
Unfortunately, through this process, I lost a significant relationship, causing a further spiral into grief and self-loathing.
Phil helped talk me through the initial turmoil of the loss, the most distressing event of my life."
— I have not looked back! I came to see you earlier this year about some problems I was having with the changes in my life.
Firstly I want to say a great big thank you to you because since then I have not looked back! I put a lot of it down to the way you helped me get a handle on things and I still have your voice in my head with lots of things that happen during the week! Especially with speaking up for myself – I can still hear you saying “did anyone die”! Great comment and oh so accurate.
I’ve been meaning to make contact for some weeks now to thank you for helping me. Things have changed a lot for me and I am happier than I could have imagined at the time I came to see you. In June I got a promotion – a really big deal for me.
They offered me a substantial amount more money which I was very happy with but I weighed it all up – you would have been proud of me – I walked in, presented my case and was granted the extra 5% I wanted on top of what they’d offered (and guess what, nobody died!) I’ve also been asked to do some training of staff members in different parts of Australia as part of a new programme.
Over the next few months I will be traveling to the States for training and then back here to give the training to other staff members. I’m very proud of what I’ve achieved so far this year.
"At first we could not see a path to reconnecting. It took several weeks for any connection to happen but with the work Philip gave us to do in the see ions ant at home we managed to find ourselves and each other. It was realising that the sense of self is as important as the sense of us. something we will strive to hold onto. Thank you Philip."
— I didn't seek counselling until I felt in complete crisis.
"I wish I had done it years a go — but, as it turns out, it's never too late. I was ashamed of what I had to tell Phil, but I'm glad I had the courage to do so.
I was able to work through my problems, rationally discuss the things I had done, and find hope for the future.
I would thoroughly recommend counselling for anyone, especially for those who feel lost.
You may think there is no answer to your problems, but there is no doubt talking to a counsellor will help. I now have a much healthier attitude to life..."
I have always been a very strong person but a crisis in my life that I did not know how to manage made me seek help for resolution. I had never been in the position I was in and did not know what to do to cope.
It was stressing for my loved ones, as well as myself and my family persuaded me to seek counselling.
Not only did Phil help me get back on my life path from which I had fallen off but he helped me to obtain this gift of knowledge I now have, and opened me to the human mind in ways I had never explored before.
My own naivety assisted in my crisis but I believe strongly that thanks to Phil's intervention and education, I now have the skills to recognise the signs and avert potential crisis through managing my own anxieties and emotions and better judgment of others.
I would not hesitate to call on his services again in the future as some things can not be learned on your own. Life is challenging but I can make it a positive and rewarding challenge with help from the right people!
Counselling with Phil was the best thing I’ve done for myself in a long time. I’m glad that I finally made the decision to do something about how I was feeling instead of just hoping the day would come when all my problems would just go away by themselves.
My counselling sessions were often challenging for me, but I found Phil easy to talk to, insightful and objective. He seemed to be able to judge my emotional and mental state and adjust his approach to suit me on that day. As a result of my counselling with Phil, I’ve learned to look at my problems more constructively and identify what role I can play in solving rather than exacerbating them.
Looking back on the experience now, the process of changing some of my harmful thought patterns was easier than I originally thought it would be.
Now, I feel more satisfied with myself and have more realistic expectations of myself and others. And, it’s great to know that when I need some support in the future there is someone there to talk to.
There are more client telstimonials on the main choosingchange website. This takes you to a website NOT optimised for mobile communication devices.